Radical Self

The Rejection Spiral: Why Sex Dies in Long-Term Relationships

“This isn’t a relationship problem. It’s a cultural one.”
In this episode of Radical Self, I’m joined by my partner Marcel for a raw, vulnerable, and deeply human conversation about desire, rejection, and what actually happens in long-term heterosexual relationships when sex becomes difficult.
We talk about the quiet despair men feel when they are repeatedly rejected, the pressure women experience when desire feels like an obligation, and the cultural conditioning that traps couples in a painful loop of shame, withdrawal, and misunderstanding.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about seeing the pattern clearly — and learning how to sit side by side instead of opposite each other. If you’ve ever felt undesired, pressured, lonely, or afraid to talk about sex with your partner, this conversation will name what you’ve been feeling and offer a new way forward.Got questions? Feedback? Want to inquire into coaching with me?DM me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rise.with.thorhildur/

Why Your Wife Doesn’t Tell You What She Really Wants in Bed

Your wife isn’t rejecting you. She’s protecting herself (likely without knowing).
And if her ‘no’ isn’t fully deeply safe with you, her ‘yes’ stopped being real a long time ago.
In this episode of Radical Self, I speak directly to the men who are longing for more sexual freedom, play, and honesty with their partners — and aren’t getting it.
I share vulnerably from my own 18-year relationship, including how opening my marriage revealed how deeply I’d internalised the belief that my body and sexuality “belonged” to my husband, even though he never asked for that. From there, we dive into the history and conditioning that have made women’s desire taboo for thousands of years, why cohabitation and emotional labor quietly kill female libido, and how so many couples end up in the heartbreaking loop of him feeling rejected and her abandoning herself just to keep emotional safety.
You’ll learn why your wife (or longtime female partner) isn’t actually rejecting you, what she’s protecting inside herself, why your longing might be landing as pressure, and the three essential ingredients to rebuild erotic safety, novelty, and slow intimacy. If her desire feels far away and you feel starved for connection, this conversation will give you language, context, and a way forward.Feedback or coaching inquiriesMessage me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rise.with.thorhildur/ 

Your Overthinking Is Killing the Spark. Ask these 5 Questions to Bring It Back.

When your relationship starts to feel like a puzzle you can’t solve…
When your body feels the tension before your mind finds the words…
That’s your invitation.
 
In this intimate solo episode, I share five questions that will help you shift from mental noise into emotional clarity — from looping thoughts to embodied truth.
Get a notebook and pen and get ready because: 
These are the questions that turned frustration into connection, and helped me remember what intimacy actually feels like.
 
You’ll walk away knowing how to:
🕊️ Meet tension with awareness, not avoidance
💞 Trace your triggers to their roots
🔥 Invite your partner into co-creation, not control
 
This is your permission to stop analyzing love — and start experiencing it again.
Perfect for anyone who’s tired of analyzing and ready to feel their relationship again.If you loved this I would love to hear it! Send me a DM on Instagram @rise.with.thorhildurThat's also the place to contact me if you want to inquire about coaching with me.

Owning Your Erotic Aliveness: From Shame to Sovereignty

What does it mean to own your erotic aliveness?
And why do so many of us feel frozen, disconnected, or shamed out of our natural erotic essence?
 
In this episode of Radical Self, Thorhildur dives deep into the four words that can change everything: Owning Your Erotic Aliveness.
 
You’ll discover:
🔥 What “erotic” really means beyond sex — and how it’s the pulse of life moving through you.
🌱 Why society trains us to shut it down… and how that creates disconnection, shame, and performance-based intimacy.
💃 How to thaw out, reclaim your desires, and step into your erotic sovereignty.
🌹 Why your erotic life is your responsibility — and how embracing it opens doors to freedom, intimacy, and joy.
✨ Practical ways to bloom where you’re planted (and move environments when you need to).
Thorhildur weaves stories from her own journey — from economics student to tantric teacher, from feeling like “property” in her marriage to stepping into full sovereignty — to show you what’s possible when you dare to embody your erotic aliveness.
 
This is a call to liberation. A reminder that your erotic essence is not something to be managed, hidden, or performed — it’s your birthright.
 
🌹 If you’re ready to release shame, reconnect with your body, and reclaim your erotic life, listen in.
🔮 Ready to go deeper?
Join me inside Sovereign — a 3-month women’s group journey where we explore sexuality, shadow work, and inner child healing. This is where you’ll bloom into your full erotic aliveness, supported by powerful sisterhood. DM me on Instagram to apply
Or, step into 1:1 coaching with me if you’re ready for deeply personal guidance in reclaiming your erotic sovereignty. Play with the application here and uncover what you truly want. 

My Partners Freedom Turns Me On: Polyamorous Couple Overheard

I could have named this show “I Masturbated to the Thought of You With Someone Else…”
In our third podcast episode together Marcel (my partner of 2 years) and I dive deep into topics like freedom, jealousy, tears, solo polyamory, sexual freedom, and maturity in open love. Recorded in a hammock in southern Spain, we explore:
-How freedom can be both inspiring and terrifying in relationships.
-If they could remove one pain from each other's lives, what it would be.
-How fear can actually deepen love.
-Honest stories about jealousy—including a frightening hotel room moment.
-Why jealousy is often a mirror of our own unmet desires.
-Crying for the first time in 10 years and redefining masculinity.
-The difference between envy and jealousy.
-Solo polyamory: loving without merging lives.
-The unexpected way opening a relationship changes desire.
-Myths about open love, and why it’s not a constant orgy.
-The beauty of living relationships by conscious choice.
-The most sovereign version of us in love.
If this resonated I'd love to hear it! Want to dive deeper and grow with me? Drop me a DM on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rise.with.thorhildur/ Join the waitlist for upcoming courses on relationships, non-monogamy and more:https://sundurogsaman.me/waitlist Explore coaching with me:https://sundurogsaman.me/coaching 

The “Fuck It” Moment

Have you ever felt the quiet nudge that says, “This isn’t it”?
This episode is about the sacred moment we say “f**k it” and choose to stop waiting and start living.
 
I share why we stall, how fear disguises itself as logic, and what happens when we finally listen to our soul’s whisper. Plus, I’ll tell you how to work with me if you’re ready to rise.
 
🎧 Listen now — and if this sparks something in you, DM me on instagram and tell me about it. Instagram page of Thorhildur, Sundur og saman

#11 Þetta verður miklu betra en þú getur ímyndað þér!

Jey! Ein uppáhalds mantran mín undanfarin ár fær loksins heilan þátt! 
Vá hvað ég er spennt að þið fáið að hlusta á þessa litlu hjálplegu speki. 
Skoðaðu betur Fullvalda LÍF prógrammið sem ég lýsi í þættinum. Gerðu sjálfsvinnuna skemmtilegri í góðum hópi kvenna!
Sendu mér skilaboð á instagram og segðu mér hvað þér fannst eða ef þú ert með spurningar um markþjálfun hjá mér.

#10 Kjartan: "Ég myndi ekki fara tilbaka í lokað samband"

Daginn eftir 11 ára brúðkaupsafmælið okkar settumst við niður og tókum upp þátt. 
Við förum yfir alla sambandssöguna okkar, hvað hefur breyst síðan við opnuðum sambandið og hvað kom okkur á óvart. 
Hvernig tökumst við á við afbrýðissemi?
Er lokað samband kannski aðeins falskt öryggi?
Vonandi svalar þetta hluta af forvitni ykkar um opin sambönd og gerir ykkur spennt að víkka sjóndeildarhringinn ykkar. 
 

#9 What makes good sex? Marcel & Þórhildur

What makes good sex? In this episode Marcel and I sit down again to talk about sex. 
We aim to answer the main question “what makes good sex" and also "what makes sex good"?
Spurningar sem við svörum í viðtalinu: 
Hvað gerir kynlíf gott?
Hvernig er kynlíf mismunandi með mismunandi mökum?
Er hægt að læra að finnast gott að láta sleikja sig? Hversu oft er eðlilegt?
Pressa frá maka?
Hvað með kynsjúkdóma þegar það eru fleiri makar?Látið mig vita hvað ykkur fannst við hlustunina í gegnum instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/sundurogsaman/  

#8 "Sælla er að gefa en þiggja." Ást fer ekki alltaf jafnt í báðar áttir.

"Love isn't always a two way street"
Hefurðu verið í þeirri stöðu að hafa meiri ást að gefa en maki getur tekið við? Og fundið jafnvel að maki hafi ekki nógu mikla ást að gefa fyrir þig? 
Í þessum þætti fer ég djúpt ofan í hvernig hjarta okkar getur haldið mismikilli ást, hvernig það getur vaxið og hversu eðlilegt það er að við séum ekki alltaf jöfn í getu og fólkið í kringum okkur. 
Fyrir öll ykkar sem viljið getað elskað meira, þetta er þáttur fyrir ykkur. 
 
Finna mitt ástartungumál - 5 Love Languages
Skoða Sundur og saman á instagram